She wanted to know what I did … YOU know ..! She kept pushing for it, but I couldn’t tell her … YOU know how much I am hurt and YOU know how much I am sorry. Oh Lord, I wanted to tell her that she means to me more than anyone or anything, and when I tried to do so, I did not know how but to tell her that she is not less than all the people I love, she is more than them, and my prove that I did not tell them either … I wanted to prove to her that she means more to me than anyone else…
But she did not see it this way, oh FATHER … she did not believe me … she even got hurt, and in her hurt she stabbed me without knowing … oh FATHER, YOU know what she said and what I said, YOU were there … And that is why I need YOU … I see my weakness and incapability everyday, I see my sins and shame everyday .. That when I think I am strong or magical, my actions fails me … I saw today that what I meant to be used for good did harm … I am always reminded that without YOU I can’t do anything, and without YOU my words are lifeless are powerless, they even do harm even when they are said for good.
I beg you to touch her heart, and use my words to bring her back to what she used to feel about me, to believe that she means to me what she thought she means to me …
But more than anything, I beg YOU, to give her a different time at the retreat, a different presence of YOURS, a personal meeting with YOU that will shake her heart and bring life back into her … a healing time my Lord my FATHER … in Jesus name, Amen
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