Documentary and brooding!: 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Before I leave!

My dear MA, ES and KD:

I told MA and KD to check their email tonight, but I am sorry I did not deliver on time as I just finished talking to RA ... Don't do voices, we just started late as well, we started 1:35 ...

Anyways, while I was saying goodbye, there was so much that I wanted to say that my mind and my tongue froze ... I thought the best way may be to pour it on paper ..

I flashbacked to our first meetings, I can bet that MA's and KD's first few impression were negative. And then bit by bit, we started to open the doors of acquaintanceship, after they realized that I am harmless I just looked like that !!, by the time ES started to join the gang and I guess that is why she did not get negative impressions about me ...

We started to get closer to each other, yet keeping the distance that would protect you, subconsciously keeping yourself from getting involved - will keep you from getting hurt till you make sure that it is ok to go deeper, like a kid who is touching the pool's water with his toes before jumping ... You can not get closer unless you expose more of yourself which means you become more vulnerable ...

We kept going deep, we kept exposing bit by bit ... We started to feel we truly like our company, we felt friends ... yet each has his/her own friends, some are too close, while others are just fine ... But we fitted somewhere in between ... And each time we get to expose a bit, we repeat the same scene of the kid jumping in the cold pool's water ...

And I think because we were moving slowly and steady, we did not realize how deep we went and how naked we exposed. Except, when we did realize - we thought we moved very fast ... I realized that we are 3 months close of celebrating our first anniversary of when we first met ....

May be we still feel we are somewhere between the too close friends and those who are just fine, but a little bit closer ... However, I believe we reached the very deep the very close, it is just we did not realize yet, like a court sentence that has not been into action yet ...

Today, I wanted to realize this with you, I wanted to be completely naked without being ashamed. I wanted to be vulnerable without being scared of getting hurt. I wanted to be a very close friend before I say "see you soon" ...

When I poured my heart today, I was sure I will touch each of you ... I saw it in MA's watery eyes and flushing face ... I saw it in ES's pondering sympathizing face ... I saw it in KD's puzzled face yet trying to understand "too good to be true ..." .... And you touched me when I saw that in your faces ...

MA .. KD .. ES, my beloved 3 crazy mother-in-laws, yet my sweet angles and my close friends, I love you so much and I will terribly miss you ... However, I believe that true friendships can cross oceans ... I will miss MA covering her affection with a witty joke or laugh, I will miss KD's quietness and I will miss ES's craziness and much caring and thoughtfulness ... But most importantly I will miss, simply, "my friends".. who simply listen even sometimes when I know my other close friends won't understand ... I want to say that we just started a road, hopefully of a lifetime journey ...

I will try to keep in touch, will you ?!

Affectionately,

Mourad

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

An Old Friend!

Today I had the pleasure to meet a very dear old friend, and will always be dear ... The good thing with old friends, you don't need to break the ice and start over, you just catch from where you left like you see each other every day. Our time was not much, yet rich ... we simply touched each other. Of course we talked about our lives, and we realized -not for the first time- that life is ugly. King Solomon was right "... For all his days are sorrows, and his travail grief; yea, his heart taketh not rest in the night. This is also vanity..." Ironically, people live as if he was wrong for a while, they even try to tell their children life is rosy ... Unless you have a strong reason for living, life is utterly painful and worthless ... We should teach our children the true face of life and we have to answer the question "if life as you say so painful and ugly, why we want to live and why do we seem attached to it and in every action we try to postpone death!!"
True when winds in your life blow and havoc spreads, and when tears fails to relief the pain till you beg for death and you can't have it, at these times Solomon's wisdom seems unquestionably true. However, when winds rest and the sun shines again and flowers in your life blossoms again after a time when you believed there will be no more sun and flowers, you start to get attached to life again, and again you get deceived by the camouflaging face of life ... Now I realized that good times are not made for us to love life and get attached to it, they are simply to sweeten and somewhat relieves the hideousness of life, to help you fulfill your reason for living, to help you walk the road till you're granted the sweet release of death ...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Documentary: Sharing moments of life time!!

My dear friends and family:
My last days, short as hours or long as years, have been through ups and downs interspersed with cries and tears, laughs and joy ... it was like a whirl with mixed contradicting things ... I guess it was life, but I felt like I am a newbie to how ugly it is, like my whole life I was introduced to a nice thing that turns out so misshaped ...

Some of you haven't heard from me for years, others for months and weeks, but with all of you I wanted to share some things of life, as when I come to think of my life I see that the most important things happened during the past 2 years, and it all comes down to 3 major things happened in the past 2 years plus this year 2008.

When I wanted to write about my most important things in life, lets say that sums up my whole life so far, I opened my email address book (contacts) and started going name by name, choosing who I want to share with. However, this way may seem impersonal, but I want you to believe me that while I am typing these words now, I am thinking of each one of you, who did I meet from years for once and did not get in contact much or in some cases we stopped contact but they were precious moments we spent together and I felt we touched each other, or those whom I have never seen but we are friends as much as those I see regularly, or those we kept contact occasionally, but in each time it was rich and sincere ...

Some of you have contacted me several times, but I have not the chance to reply back, I want to say that I am sorry and believe me that it meant a lot to me when I saw your email checking how am I doing. I promise that I will try to contact each one of you personally.

Again, my life was hard and busy like an ocean whirl that sucks you down and as you try to fight your way out you find it getting stronger, till it sucks your strength first and finally you let go till it ends and throws you back to the surface ... Before the past 3 years, I thought I had a hard and busy life ... How naïve and inexperienced I was ...

I finally was able to scrap my time and steel few moments to share the 3 most important things in my life. I will start in an ascending chronological order in 3 different emails. But I got to warn you from now, they are going to be long ones, so if your knees, back or eyes or even your time is busy that you can't stand 15 to 20 minutes reading over the computer, break them down!!!

I will be writing them over the next 10 days, I hope so!! So till we meet soon, I hope that you dwell in God's grace and blesses ...

Sincerely,
Mourad

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Lewis Black collection

Back in Black - Flag Burning

Flag burning is a simple yet stylish way to express your anger.

TV Bigotry
Lewis Black reports that Muslim fundamentalists aren't the only terrorists on the TV show 24.

Back in Black - Free Health Advice
Lewis Black comments on free medical advice offered by people without medical backgrounds, like evangelical ministers and Tom Cruise.

Back In Black - Book Deals
Lewis Black goes through the book deals given to runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks, courthouse shooter survivor Ashley Smith, and Deep Throat.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Tempers flare at Boobs on Bikes - New Zealand news on Stuff.co.nz

Tempers flare at Boobs on Bikes - New Zealand news on Stuff.co.nz
tags: porn, pornography, boobs, new, zealand, auckland, protest, right, wrong, black, white
- “It makes objects out of women – it degrades them and we’re sick of people like Steve Crow trampling over the values of our country,” said one protester.
- Boobs on Bikes organiser Steve Crow said it was great to see people protesting.
- “It’s nice to see a few protesters exercising their right to free speech,” he said.
  - no comment after such a reply to clear statement of one of the protestors ... no comment after what happened to the protestors from booing and throwing of things ... You women who participated in the parade and you who booed the protestors, don't come crying when you get utterly humiliated by men and treated as cheap objects!! - post by mourad

The Boobs on Bikes parade has set off down Akld's Queen St | NATIONAL | NEWS | tvnz.co.nz

The Boobs on Bikes parade has set off down Akld's Queen St | NATIONAL | NEWS | tvnz.co.nz
tags: porn, pornography, boobs, new, zealand, auckland, protest, right, wrong, black, white
- "It is time that the rights of families to not be exposed to
  offensive material are put before the rights of the pornography
  industry to promote themselves."
  - Look how far the pornography industry went ... Imagine this 20 years ago, I am not saying when your grandpa was a kid ... no just when you were a kid ... I do not know; is it before people were closed minded than the open minded free people of porn ... or is it today we love to live in a grey shadow, while back then they had clear distinction between black and white, where no big words and excessive repetitive use of "freedom" in its right and wrong places ... - post by mourad

:: MarwaRakha :: - ME VENTING - By Law, a Muslim man will not marry more than one Woman

:: MarwaRakha :: - ME VENTING - By Law, a Muslim man will not marry more than one Woman

tags: no_tag
- By Law, a Muslim man will not marry more than one Woman
  - This is a very interesting article ... I commented below under the name "Guest" with the date August 9, 2008 ... it is a long comment. - post by mourad
- Guest - August 9, 2008
  
  May be I love my mom so much that I can't see her flaws and I assume that people misinterpret her because they really don't know her, they're just biased! However, may be I am the biased one, and I can't see or choose not to see that the problem may be in my mom and not the people judging her!
- My dear Tamer, I wish we could find solace in the Protestant Reformation, but in my opinion we can't! As in their case they were telling the Catholic church (which restricted the Holy Bible to priests only in the original languages Greek and Hebrew and not allowed it to be read by the average person) that they invented verses, corrupted the teachings by seeking older writings of older priests and church fathers and almost abandoning the Bible teaching totally. Again they abandoned the bible to serve their human greed and sinful nature. The debate was not about misinterpretations of authentic and real existing verses of the bible, on the far hand, the reformation was calling to stick to the bible ONLY and abandon the biased and invented verses of the old fathers writings which were not authentic!
- However, in our case in Egypt, we are debating the interpretation of existing approved verses. I support the modern wave of Islam, that combines the principles of mercy and decency with common sense humanistic thinking. But I see this modern school fighting very weakly with the old fundamentalistic school, and the reason in my opinion, that the modern school can not find strong clear verses when debating a specific topic, they usually use vague general verses of mercy and decency, but on the other hand the fundamentalistic school strike hard with strong clear verses relating directly to the topic debated, and then the modern school when finds itself trapped, they debate the interpretation based on humanistic thinking!! Which for a simple average Egyptian watching the debate would 100% be convinced with the fundamentalistic school, because simply, they just feel more authentic and they don't challenge his simple brains and what he has been raised on since he was a kid.
- To sum my point clearly, I don't think the problem is in the modern school or the old one, may be the problem is in what we are debating, and because we love it so much, we can not think that the problem is in itself and not the interpretations ... exactly like my "mom". I know that my final statement would sound extremely outrageous, and may be if I said pubically I would be killed immediately. And I did not have the courage to
- write my name here, but I guess someone should have said some way or another

The Associated Press: Fire breaks out in Egypt's parliament

The Associated Press: Fire breaks out in Egypt's parliament

tags: no_tag
- Thick black smoke billowed over downtown Cairo, and rush hour traffic gridlocked from the dozens of fire trucks that rushed to the scene. But only three trucks were hosing down the building hours after the fire erupted, apparently due to water shortages.
  - ".... Apparently due to water shortages" ... How ironic!! The writer of this article is using a careful masquerading ironic sense, because I guess he is either can't believe it or he believes it but just kidding!! - post by mourad
- Riot police created a cordon outside the parliament complex, located on a busy downtown thoroughfare. Tourists and locals stopped to snap photographs with cell phone cameras.
  - "Riot police ..." Aren't they always "riot", isn't it becoming too normal for them to be described with "riot" as it is something unusual because of the situation!!! - post by mourad
- Parliament's archive room, library and several large meeting chambers were all destroyed. Firefighters doused surrounding buildings with water to prevent them from igniting, but flames continued to rage past midnigh
  - Ahh finally a bite of taste of what average Egyptians are experiencing daily ... Well, whom I kidding like the government is the one whose going to suffer such lose not the people!! - post by mourad
- Parliament is currently in summer recess
  - Summer recess which means north coast Marina, nice beach, beautiful bikini women, fresh squeezed cold juice or overrated wine, AC and just great time to get laid and relax ... who cares about a fire in a building!! - post by mourad
- Egypt requires some fire-safety measures in buildings, including fire extinguishers, but in general the rules are not strictly enforced.
  - O, and now for the bitter truth that we all know what are we going to do about it !!! .... Do you know ??? - post by mourad

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Why people put paintings over their walls?!

Is it because it looks beautiful ... or is it because it is classy and elegant ... or is it because their walls are so ugly and distorted ... it could be any of the above reasons or else ... or may be I feel because the naked walls sends emptiness and loneliness through your eyes and into your soul which is an agonizing feeling ... In paintings there is a sake of obliterating this emptiness and making friendship with such paintings that turn the ugliness of bare walls and give them faces that we can live with ...

But what happens to people whose their lives are filled with loved ones, what happens when they lose a loved one ... the masquerading walls can't help and the paintings trick can't work, but emptiness and loneliness is absorbed into your heart, so even with full walls and rich life; you still see it hollow...

Are you jealous of the Godfather!!

Well, I am ... I am jealous from Michael, who Vito Corleone's son. He had the chance to set and have nice quality time with his father ... He had the chance to get the final talk ... the farewell ... they said goodbye without uttering it.

Vito Corleone died, full days and happily playing with his beloved grandson ... but my father did not ...

O how I miss him...

I miss his hug, I miss his arms around me, I miss his warmth ... O I miss him ... I miss his talks, his voice, his smile ... O I miss him ... I miss his wisdom, I miss his strength, I miss the sense of safety and security and I miss depending on him ... O I miss him ... I wish you can hear me now, I wish I can hear you now, I wish I can see you again, I wish I can talk to you and lie between your arms ... I wish we are together again my beloved father ....

Sincerely,

your son ...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

test weblog accuracy ... well it did not work ... now I i ping it to see how far it will go !!! After the last chance and after pinging ... nothing works!!

BLOODLINE: AIDS and Family by Kristen Ashburn

BLOODLINE: AIDS and Family is Kristen Ashburn's intimate look at the harsh reality of the AIDS pandemic in Africa. Her images remind us how tenuous our connection is to each other. In doing so, they show that what matters most is the care extended to those in need.

Black Market by Patrick Brown

Globally, the wildlife trade is the third largest illegal trade. A driving force is the ancient belief that animal parts contain "magical" properties. Although science has largely disproved these superstitions, the trade continues.

Patrick Brown : "The only way action is going to be done is if world leaders realize that it's important to their constituency.
If I had a choice of one emotion to be generated or one action to take place from the result of somebody seeing my work, it's for them to go to their government and say, I am not happy with what is happening. I am not voting for you. You change things and I'll vote for you."

weeping may endure for a night

O my Heavenly Father, I miss my father so much, I want to talk to him, to listen to him, to see him ... I have a deep wound, heal me please, and please let me see, talk and listen to him ... Isn't he with You!!!

I want to sing with David, I want to say You changed my sobbing into dancing. I will cry out to you, O LORD. I will plead to the Lord for mercy: "How will you profit if my blood is shed, if I go into the pit? Will the dust of my body give thanks to you? Will it tell about your truth?"

Psalm 30:

Psa 30:1 A psalm by David sung at the dedication of the temple. I will honor you highly, O LORD, because you have pulled me out of the pit and have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

Psa 30:2 O LORD my God, I cried out to you for help, and you healed me.

Psa 30:3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave. You called me back to life from among those who had gone into the pit.

Psa 30:4 Make music to praise the LORD, you faithful people who belong to him. Remember his holiness by giving thanks.

Psa 30:5 His anger lasts only a moment. His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last for the night, but there is a song of joy in the morning.

Psa 30:6 When all was well with me, I said, "I will never be shaken."

Psa 30:7 O LORD, by your favor you have made my mountain stand firm. When you hid your face, I was terrified.

Psa 30:8 I will cry out to you, O LORD. I will plead to the Lord for mercy:

Psa 30:9 "How will you profit if my blood is shed, if I go into the pit? Will the dust of my body give thanks to you? Will it tell about your truth?"

Psa 30:10 Hear, O LORD, and have pity on me! O LORD, be my helper!

Psa 30:11 You have changed my sobbing into dancing. You have removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy

Psa 30:12 so that my soul may praise you with music and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever.

O please, give me a song of joy in the morning....

Monday, August 11, 2008

Where are the words when you need them, when are these times when you feel you loaded with words and when you come to attempt to write it all flew. Was it delusion that you can write, or was it hallucinations that you were filled with loads of words!!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Very late at night early dawn bored thinking of trying blogging , so let's see...