It is hard to start when you don’t know from where, you have many thoughts some of them logic can’t explain, much feelings some of them words can’t describe. So I thought best to start from where we left; “ When being in love doesn’t matter anymore, because you are about to discover something more powerful and more touching and incredibly high. When things now are not about being in love or not; it is about another feeling, another high, another longing and another bond”. These were the last words of my previous post, but the birthing words of something I will try to put in words.
Let me tell you something, those who are wondering what would that might be, try to imagine yourself walking in your life lonely and desperate for a revolution a renaissance. Long time ago you were a very successful young man, in school you were always one of the top not only that you were admired by your teachers for your behavior, your attitude, your politeness, you established a service in the school’s chapel that still carries your name, you were everything a mother dreams of in her child and you were despised by other school failures. In church you were the same thing, in short a big shot. Then you entered something, called real life, actually a glimpse, but it was enough to crush you because really you were a big shot in your own protected bubble, but for life you were just a spoiled kid. You entered in a very destructive feelings and thoughts, your confidence was shuttered like a broken vase, with every pathetic attempt to mended was a mere glue to the broken pieces. You entered addiction not drugs but there are many different kinds of addiction for your pleasure my friend!, you faced depression and shame, you withdrawn from people, and turned from an athletic young man to someone of a fitness worse than a drug addict. You hated yourself, your life, you questioned God, you questioned life, you questioned logic, you obsessed reading, arguments and internet. You tried to restore yourself, you had some moments when you felt it is happening, you felt hope again and high, then you went crushing down!. You had friends who loved you as you are, sometimes they encouraged you but what you needed was more powerful and deeper. You still had your wits, brains, charisma but they were soulless and hence powerless. It was easy to polish yourself when around people even friends, especially when you live in a world of masks. So what was the powerful and more deep thing that you needed to restore yourself or at least put your feet on the right path again ?!. Keep thinking, while you are doing so, let me talk briefly about another person.
This another person is very successful. That person treats and council people with especial needs, very highly educated with degrees and studies. Very well known in the field with much lights on her. Loved, admired by all people. Trusted and sought for advice even as simple as sharing without being judged because she offers a safe place. Loving, caring, spontaneous, funny with a unique laugh, classy and beautiful. She has a big circle of people; family, friends, students and the people she is treating. When she lectures, she is very professional, confident and charismatic. She is friendly, humble, experienced and has that rare mixture of a girl and a woman. I think that what most people will see when they meet her, and its true. But I think few will see a little beyond that; I would see a scared person with an incredible resilience to pain and scars. Yes! every person with some years in this life will have some scars, but lets give her some credit, she got some. I feel sometimes with all that big circle of people, she still feels lonely. Now some people, will jump and say “I found it”; “marriage” is her problem and solution!, and may be she sometimes thought this way, and yes may be marriage is the solution for loneliness, but I am not here to talk about marriage and I don’t think it is the issue, because some married suffers the same thing. When life gets steady and monotonous … everyone of us experience ups and downs, some days high others depressed, but that is not what I am talking about either. I feel it is “longing”, her soul longs for something. And that “longing” needs to be filled and satisfied!
Sometimes you find what are you looking for in the last place or with the least person or in the strangest way you ever imagined. And because it happened this way, sometimes you start questioning it existence instead of grabbing it and enjoying to the fullest. One thing I learn from addicts, is that they believe “euphoria”, they live the moment, well you can debate this as much as you want, I am not married to this idea … I am just saying sometimes it is a good thing to do.
So I hope you are still following … so both of these persons need something powerful, something deep and incredibly high. For me that thing would create the renaissance, the revolution that would restore my life back, and for her that would fill and satisfy such longing. And that is why it is very powerful, deep and incredibly high. How this happened ?! would be continued in my part 3 and finale of this post series.
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